I mentioned in the Liver Transplant section my tremendous feeling of guilt and my post-transplant issues with survivor guilt. Just to expand on this. A person’s ArLD journey is riddled with guilt. There may be other factors outside of their control that drive these feelings and emotions. I also spoke of the people become victims through the actions caused by others. Seeking solace with alcohol and using it as a form of self-medication adds fuel to the fire, as alcohol in itself is a depressant. But then, because of these actions more guilt is added. “It’s all your fault, nobody made you drink that stuff, You’ve only got yourself to blame”. When we end up in the hospital due to the alcohol-induced liver damage. Those feelings of guilt and blame are even stronger. This emotional cycle needs to be broken. This is where that inner strength needs to be called upon. On the first page, I spoke of that “Wake-up Call” moment. This is where you need to ask yourself, “This is what’s broken, now what do I need to do to make it right?” What comes next is the start of positive thoughts. It may be painful or emotionally uncomfortable, but there is a need to revisit that time when it all began. To help resolve all this, we need closure and acceptance. If we can fix the cause, then the use of alcohol becomes redundant. My variceal bleed back in 2014 was my wake-up call and I’ve not touched alcohol since. Back then, my GP put me on anti-depressant medication, which didn’t help as those unprocessed memories and guilt were still there. This next bit is going to sound completely wacky but there comes a time to let go and stop carrying all this guilt. When I had my liver transplant in 2016 I remember lying in that hospital bed, just thinking stupid random thoughts. For some unknown reason, I began to think of the phantom limb syndrome. The Phantom limb syndrome is when a person loses say an arm or leg and the brain continues to send out signals to the missing limb, the person then still feels pain even though the limb isn’t there. The cure is to trick the brain into thinking it’s still there by the use of a mirror image of the still connected arm or leg. The brain then sees two images and then stops sending out the pain signals. Here is a video of an experiment which helps illustrate this. As I lay there thinking of this, I wondered if I too could also trick my brain. I told myself that the brain has limited storage capacity and that some of our memories are stored for safekeeping in other organs in the body. So, I started to tell myself that all those painful unprocessed memories from my past, used to be stored in my liver. My liver was now gone, and so were all those painful bits. I kept telling myself this. After sleeping on this, It was as if a dark cloud had been lifted, I had found a new inner peace. The following day I stopped taking the anti-depressant medication and I’ve not taken them since. What this has taught me is that we all need to find our own way of dealing with the things that hurt us. It doesn’t matter how crazy or unconventional it is, it’s about getting closure and being able to accept something and move on. Many people who have received a liver transplant will talk of being reborn. This rebirth is an opportunity to get rid of all that pain and injustice in our lives and start afresh. After all, the day following that liver transplant will be the first day of the rest of your life. Embrace it.

Has having had a liver transplant changed me in any way? You better believe it. I now totally understand the true value of life. I now no longer carry any bitterness in my heart towards those who have hurt me during my life’s journey. It is very much like being reborn again. Although I wrote a letter of condolence and gratitude to my donor’s family, understandably, I didn’t receive a reply. Unfortuantly, this can sometimes happens as feelings and emotions can still be raw for those that have lost a loved one. In some strange sort of way, I just want to reach out and help others who find themselves going down that similar path in their lives that I’ve been down. I have therefore started this crusade, and if anyone out there wishes to join me, they are more than welcome. Over these past few years, I have spoken of my liver disease in two local newspapers, and one national. I’ve also featured in a Readers Digest article. All in the name of raising awareness of the alcohol-related liver disease. The internet can be a wonderful place for information and help. But there can be some downright scary sites too. If by chance you do have any problemswith your liver, then “The British Liver Trust’s” website is the place to go. Here you’ll find lots of help and support. There’s even a section where people have submitted their own stories, which is always very interesting, (yes, mines there too). Just click on the BLT logo to go visit their site. The British Liver Trust also oversees a “HealthUnlocked” forum site, this is there to help those people from all over the world who are in search of help, support and advice from those people who have first-hand knowledge and personal experience of liver disease. Having that empathy can be a wonderful way to help someone. Once again, Just click on the image and register your details. Finally, a word of advice. If you happen to reside in the UK, please try and stick to reputable UK websites. Some of the American websites can be rather frightening and also misleading. For example, many American sites talk about the use of Milk Thistle as a supportive aid for liver disease, but here in the UK, such remedies are not advised, as they can do even more damage. (See the British Liver Trust’s advice on this: https://britishlivertrust.org.uk/information-and-support/living-with-a-liver- condition/complementary-and-alternative-therapy/) Avoid the temptation to go in search of wondrous miracle cures. There are no magical formulae or mystical cures for liver disease. There are, however plenty of unscrupulous people out there willing to sell you wonderous herbal remedies. Some of these remedies can end up doing harm than good. When you think about it, human beings have been around for over 200,000 years. Livers have been working just fine throughout that time without the need for detoxifying the liver. I hope this site has been useful. If I can help in any way, or you’d like some more information, then please contact me by email at: liverlifeproject@gmail.com.